vignesh mohankumar

I write these every year, but for some reason the thoughts felt too raw around my birthday in November. Six months later I realized that if I didn’t write it now I’ll never get to it. In retrospect, I wish I had written this on time because my feelings have changed so much since then.

Vulnerability

Being able to say how you feel matters. I’ve found that for every meaningful relationship, having the hard conversations has (eventually) been worth it. I’ve found that bottling up the feelings eventually comes out in unexpected (and unfair) ways. This only works when the other side has an open mind, but that’s not something you can control.

Environment

I’ve done my best work when I’m surrounded by people who believe in me, the work actually matters, and I’m valued for what I produce. It’s that simple for me. A lifelong goal of mine is to continue to put myself in those spaces and to help create that for others.

Mentorship

Much of my progress over the past year has come from having an incredible support network of mentors. The biggest change for me was realizing everyone is flawed and biased. Instead of viewing a mentor as someone with certified answers, I try to learn from their choices. The choices in my life are mine alone, but I’d rather learn from those around me than figure everything out from scratch. Life is too hard to do alone.

Discipline

When I think back to when I’ve done my best work, it never felt like work. I didn’t have to use mental tricks on myself. If I’m not doing something, I believe it just doesn’t matter enough. I believe in having good habits (working out, eating well, cleaning, etc.), but I view them as a way to focus on what matters to me rather than as stuff I’m just supposed to do.

Identity

This is a lifelong thing, but I’ve spent a lot of time understanding who I am and where I come from. I’ve felt such a pull to learn more about Tamil culture over the past few years since many of my values originate there. At the same time, so much of my independence and mindset comes from American culture. I’ve been working on unifying these parts of me over this year.

Questions

Many people who know me well would describe me as an overthinker. Maybe they’re right, but many times in response I’ve called them underthinkers. Creating space to think meaningfully about what matters is important to avoid regret. I’ve accepted that I’m always going to be someone with lots of questions. My goal is to use the questions to push me forward rather than get stuck.